With peace and love, the first heart break I’ve ever felt came from my parents. They did it so effortlessly and without even acknowledging it. I then continued to experience hardships and pain with no one to turn to. I walked through a life carrying the broken pieces of me and the pain of my past that I then went out into the world and I began to bleed on people who didn’t cut me.
Pain became the only way I knew how to experience not only love but life. The only familiar consistent feeling I knew was pain and the only way I knew how to express it was through anger because my tears were never greeted with love and comfort.
Maybe your heart was broken by a significant other, a friend, a parent, grandparent, sibling, ect.. If your heart is heavy right now I understand that feeling all to well, you have to make yourself whole again and here’s why.
Iv’e now experienced a life filled with a heavy heart and iv’e experienced one with a full heart, an open heart, and a loving one. I cannot explain how freeing it is to rid yourself of that hurt. Depending on how deep your trauma is and how heartbreaking your experience was will take years of mending. There will be moments you’ll breakdown listening to a song, You’ll cry in the shower, on your way to work, you’ll wish bad on that person who hurt you, you’ll feel like you haven’t said you piece, and you’ll get upset all over again thinking about it. These things are normal and will come and go, they take time. You have to learn to give yourself grace each and everyday. There are days I’m not my best and I have to correct myself in certain moments and apologize instantly for saying something hateful. Again even learning to do that took years. It’s a process.
How do you mend your broken heart?
You have to patiently and gently collect the pieces of yourself and put them back together. I am happy I experienced pain because it made love so special and so unique. Love isn’t suppose to hurt. I am in no way religious but the Bible says, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
You mend your broken heart by being all of those things. You do not wait to receive love in order to exhibit love. You will not heal in someone else, no one can save you from yourself. You have to be everything you wish to have and you will receive it. You will not be perfect, no one expects that from you. It will take time, it will be something you have to work on the rest of your life. But it is the only way . It may seem like I’m putting all the work on you as if there isn’t a reason you feel like this and are like this. The truth is I can only help the person reading this and you can only help and control yourself. We can’t change the people who did this, nor should we have to carry their burdens. Hurt people, hurt people. They may never want to change or care to, but that doesn’t have to be who you become.
Cry when you need to cry. Get upset when you need to get upset, breakdown when you need to breakdown. But what you CANNOT and WILL NOT do is bleed on others. You cannot hurt people, you cannot become the villain in your story and in someone else’s. Your heart can be mended and it will be, give yourself grace and radiate love and everything that love is and your life will change. Your future self will wake up one day, look back, and realize what a completely different person you use to be.