You have your hands wrapped so tightly around my neck, I am suffocating…
Every morning I wake up with a heaviness, So much of my future undetermined. Why even make plans? Life just gets in the way of them. I stand in the mirror staring into my eyes just to see if they really are the window to my soul. I don’t recognize myself sometimes. I see glimpse of who I think I am or who I guess I’m familiar with, but for the most part I see nothing at all.
I feel numb some days and then on other days I feel everything. My mood is forever changing. I feel so crazy , I feel fucking insane. I pride myself on not being overly emotional but lately they’re out of control. How did I become this? Who is this person? I’m not happy, not with myself, not with you and not with us. But I love you to much, or maybe I love the idea that someone loves me more than I love them . How did we get here?
” I wish you well my love, hope you can tell my love, I’d dim my light so you can shine and you prevail, my love.”
You tell me the right things but your past actions have been contradicting to your words. I try.. I tried. I don’t have much left in me. I give you so much of myself that there’s nothing left for me. We are suppose to make each other better, stronger, be each others backbone. So why do I feel like I’m drowning? Your burdens are too heavy. I can’t make room for anymore of your baggage, Mine is enough. They can’t both fit. When will you carry some of the weight?
I am still here, I just needed to vent.