Never in a million years would I think I be six months sober, actually rewind. NEVER in my life did I even think I would NEED to get sober, in fact I judged others for the amount they did or didn’t drink, for the way they behaved when they did, and I assumed I was nothing like that. I thought I didn’t have a problem because I didn’t drink everyday and I hear that a lot in the rooms of AA. It’s a common misconception that an alcoholic drinks everyday, that they feen for their next drink, that they have trouble functioning. I’m here to tell you that is not true.
In fact most alcoholics who are only addicted to the drink can function. People you least expect are functioning alcoholics. As for me I never drank everyday, granted I would have days that I would drink every night and then I wouldn’t , however I always thought about the drink . Any celebration “where’s the alcohol?” , any vacation “where’s the fucking alcohol?” , when I’m sad “where’s the alcohol?” Oh my happy hour ?? “Let’s drink”
That obsession to alcohol was always in me even when I didn’t quite realize it yet . I told my sponsor I was addicted to alcohol I just didn’t know how to act once I consumed it … she said “great so quitting will be easy” it absolutely wasn’t . See at first I was up for the challenge , excited about this new way of life , having a new community , just like having a newborn baby that excitement (the pink cloud) we call it dies down and the hard work sets in . I was absolutely Fucking insane the first 60 days. Dream after dream about drinking and suddenly waking up thanking god it wasn’t real .
When I drank it was in excess… I couldn’t quite understand how people casually sipped alcohol , socially drank . I drank to get drunk , to get absolutely wasted and see where the night takes me . I drank on dates to ensure my confidence , I drank at the gym to take away the annoyance of the workout, I drank at happy hour just to be apart of something . It’s not how often I drank or how much I consumed that made me an alcoholic it’s how I behaved when I drank .
I think we have this idea that we are suppose to act crazy when we drink , that, that behavior is normal and acceptable when you’re intoxicated. The way I behaved was an entirely different human no matter what liquor, beer , or wine I consumed. I had an allergy to alcohol and it made me crazy .
I won’t dive into the dark parts of my drinking and the roads it lead me down , there’s a time and place and I’ll save that for my book . I will tell you I got tired of myself , my insanity , my inability to deal with issues without alcohol , my inability to have fun without alcohol , who I became when I was drinking … I just got tired and I knew it was time to walk away. I had to put down the bottle , so I did. While it hasn’t been easy , and temptation lurks around every corner , I’m happier than I’ve ever been . The best decision I ever made for myself was getting sober . I’m far more confident, nicer , spiritual, loving , I care more about those around me , I’m happy, and I’m content . All I can say is cheers (with my seltzer water) to six months.
Step 2 – “came to believe a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity”