I’ve talked about my imperfections time and time again, so it’s no secret that I am far from perfect like most of us. I’ve done shit that I could barely admit to myself let alone another person. So why do I expect such flawlessness out of my partner? Why do I expect him to be perfect?
Someone once told me what we hate in other people is really what we hate in ourselves. I sit here and preach about loving people unconditionally regardless of their past, what they have and have not done is not important if they no longer have those character defects. There’s a saying in AA humbly asking god to remove our shortcomings, we pray that he remove every single character defect, and he will but not without us willing to change. See my character defects are the judgement of others while expecting not to be judged .
I’ve changed a lot from the savage I use to be, I found every possible way to put my partner down for his past, I would cut him with my tongue like a knife. Why? because I was projecting my feelings towards myself, and my past onto him. It took me maturing and therapy to figure all that out of course. All the problems I’ve learned to address within myself has taken years and will continue to take years .
I caught myself thinking and acting a little bit like my old self, this idea that somehow I am above others because my past no longer haunts me, because I didn’t carry baggage into my current life. That’s not true. Maybe my baggage isn’t a felony, isn’t kids by different people, isn’t a messy divorce, isn’t anything tangible, but its there. My baggage is my inability to drink, the fact that I’m in AA, its the fact that I go to therapy couple times a month, it’s the 6 pills I take everyday for my mental health, it’s my panic attacks that disrupt me living a normal life. So who the fuck am I to judge a person for their baggage? How is theirs better or worse than mine? It’s just simply their unique individual past.
Truth is life is messy, people are a mess, and sometimes we aren’t pretty, neither are the things we have done, but thats ok. Of course I will still have unpleasant negative ass thoughts, as well as flaws of my own, but it’s important to stop and recognize them and give your partner grace, allow them to be imperfect and to grow from that, allow them to at least try to love you like you should be loved, and overcome their past and all its obstacles.
” We do not regret our past, nor do we wish to shut the door on it”