A lot of those who read my blog know how long I’ve been alone (single) but for those who don’t its been 6 years and most of my adult life, however thats not relevant to what I’m writing today. My isolation started from when I was a child. I’ve always been extremely independent even having a bunch of siblings I learned how to live in close quarters with them but still found solitude. I would go in the bathroom for hours and sing, draw, or write . I would go outside, Or I could be in a room full of people and day dream and just let my mind take me some place else. With a childhood of chaos and abuse I naturally learned to disassociate.
So whats wrong with being comfortable alone? Absolutely nothing, until you become like me. Humans and most living species in general are meant to be around others. We are meant to feel love, we started in tribes and small groups and took care of each other. Hence why they say “It takes a village” because it does. We as people are not meant to live in isolation, we need human contact to remain sane, emotionally in touch and mature, as well as many other psychological and physiological needs.
While I’m extremely comfortable being alone , at times it worries me. Everything I do I intentionally do alone. I use to feel bad for myself and think no-one wanted to hang with me or be with me, truth is they do and I make every excuse to not hang out. I’m sure so many of you are like that as well. I travel alone, go to lunch, movies, games, parks, beaches, legitimately everything I do, I do alone. I never thought about it or cared really until I got older and realized I needed to build bonds with people and put myself out there more, and especially If I want a relationship and family one day I literally have to learn to be comfortable with others.
It’s okay to be comfortable alone and it’s a positive thing because it teaches you independence and I have the ability to not NEED someone out of desperation or loneliness, but want them because they’re the right person to share my time with. However life is about balance. I can be an independent, strong woman, with a man by my side or with people who are there for me to lean on when I need it. It’s okay to need people and to find comfort in other people other than your self.
A lot of blogs, relationship experts and books write to the women who are co-dependent but rarely do I see anyone writing about the women who are opposite of that, who have a hard time asking for help, trusting, being soft, being sensitive, being gentle. I’m writing to the women like me today. There’s nothing wrong with you and you’ve done so much alone and can do anything you want by yourself, but don’t be scared to let your guard down and lean on someone else, maybe it doesn’t work out but eventually it will and its okay to be vulnerable , there’s so much strength in vulnerability . Be gentle.