Often times we only think of “what if” In a negative context, but what if you do get that job? What if you do find that dream guy or girl? What if you do win? What if you are perfect for that person? What if we started only speaking positivity into ourselves?
I lived a life of what if’s , always stemming from anxiety. I let myself down before anyone else could, I thought I was protecting my “ego”, truth is I was stripping away my confidence, self esteem, and my spirit. I had to remove my ego from myself and find something greater than me. You see it’s almost as if I didn’t want to win, I was afraid that things might actually go my way and if they didn’t I didn’t have the ability to handle it or cope because I never prepared myself emotionally and mentally because I never tried . I mean this in a number of ways, some things I knew I was good at and came naturally so those things I wasn’t afraid of. Love however didn’t come as easy, it scared me so bad . The fear of someone loving me and someone not loving me was exhausting.
Imagine being terrified of the only thing that actually matters In this life. If I was scared to love others what did that mean for myself? I didn’t love me. In fact I overcompensated for my self hate. I was overtly sexual, always needed to be the center of attention, drank to feel superior, I was critical of everyone around me in order to avoid being critical of myself. See the truth is what you hate in others is sometimes what you hate in yourself , Everything you say to them or about them is what you wanna say to yourself.
Every single fucking day I have to work towards loving who I am, forgiving myself for who I use to be, and realizing how deserving I am of all the things I want. We are all deserving of anything and everything and not a single person deserves more or less. What if we stopped worrying about everyone else’s life and poured into ourselves? What if we forgave ourselves and extended that forgiveness to others so that we could be better and move forward? What if we loved ourself as much as we love others? What if we deserve to be happy?
Food for thought
This post was just me rambling about things on my mind, thank you for those who always read. I’m sending you all love and positivity. You deserve any and everything you want in this life, don’t run from life like I have, run towards it.
“No matter where you go in this world it won’t fix you, because you still have to bring yourself“