The title says it all.. something that I’ve had such a difficult time with is allowing people to love me. I use to think people just didn’t for whatever reason, that somehow I was unlovable or men were just heartless pieces of shit. I have had so much fear and anxiety around being loved that in my mind I convinced myself someone doesn’t like me, they don’t care, they rather have someone else, I’m annoying, someone else is prettier with a better body, I seem like I don’t need anyone so they probably think I don’t. I mean I go over things in my head countless times all driven from a deep rooted insecurity. I have deep abandonment issues as well as an extremely hard time getting close to people because I’m so scared that it’ll hurt to much when they realize I’m not the person they want. Ive realized through self reflection and growth that’s not the case. Not only is that not the case, its not true.
Everyone is worthy of love. However I do believe you have to give it to get it. By that I mean you not only have to love people around you, you have to love YOURSELF. You have to love yourself so you can identify what kind of love you need and what real love feels like. Self-care isn’t just about face mask, hot baths, and pedicures , that all apart of it but self care is also mentally and emotionally stimulating yourself . You have to awaken your heart. You have to accept everything about yourself and realize its ok to be loved by not only others but by YOU.
What I’ve realized is desperation gets you nowhere, closing yourself off gets you nowhere, being afraid of being hurt gets you nowhere. I’ve had to let all of that go. I woke up in the middle of the night one night and for whatever reason made a decision. I literally said to myself “I’ve decided I want to be loved, I’ve decided I deserve love, and I’m going to allow it” this may seem corny as fuck but that’s exactly what happened . I have spent the last few months focusing on myself and myself only . I have changed so many parts of myself, from my mind to my body, and changing how I perceive myself inside and out. I am not all the way there yet, I will always be a work in progress but what I can say is I’m working on it ! Expecting perfection of myself just so I can be loved is unrealistic. I will never be perfect, I don’t need to be perfect in order to find the perfect person.
I believe the perfect person for me isn’t going to be perfection to everyone else, probably won’t even be perfection to themselves. The same way I won’t be. Thats ok. I don’t expect that. The same way they won’t expect that out of me. Its the imperfect parts of us that make us desirable. However don’t confuse these words with accepting toxic individuals. Thats how self love ties in. If you love yourself enough and know how to love yourself; you will know exactly what you DESERVE.
Here’s how I will end this.. Release whatever it is in your heart and head that makes you think you’re unlovable. Release your fear of love. Release the pain from past loves. Accept yourself the way you are. Accept that you will never be perfect to everyone but you’re perfect to yourself. Accept new love. Accept that love doesn’t always work out. Accept that love is a risk, but worth the reward. Invite love into your life and watch what happens.