I love u so much it hurts

The title says it all.. I want someone to love me until it hurts. Do you guys know what I’m talking about? I want to love someone so deeply, so unconditionally , and so much that it hurts. Not hurts in a bad way but the kind of hurt that you physically feel it when they aren’t around you. You miss them so much it makes it almost impossible to be apart. I had this in my relationship which was the only one I ever had. He was my first love , we dated as kids and into adulthood. Man even as a 14 year old I knew the way I felt about him wasn’t normal. I fucking Loved him. I obsessively thought of him every waking moment. We ended up breaking up and reconnecting as adults . I was 20. When I saw him again for the first time in a long time I was just as in love with him as I was as a kid but even more. I remember excusing myself to go to the bathroom just so I could cry and beg a god I didn’t believe in to let this workout with him even if it isn’t right for me. (true story I begged god) . I then preceded to move across the country where he lived to be with him. Even though I loved him .. I didn’t love him the right way. We were both so immature and so passionate. It was a toxic dangerous kind of love. When we broke up I thought I would never recover. He didn’t love me as much as I loved him or perhaps in the way that I did. I told myself I would never love anyone else again. I’m 26 and I can assure you I will love someone else again just not like that. But I will love them with every ounce of myself . I will love them enough to give them space. To give them freedom. To let them be an individual. Everything I didn’t do in my past relationship. Love is not possession of a person it is an experience with someone. I wanna experience that with someone again. I wanna be so in love it pains me to be apart. But also love them enough to understand being apart is healthy and necessary . I just hope the next person I love , loves me back , because my heart can’t take loving the wrong person again.

Published by lexiirae310

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