So I stayed up late even though I was tired to watch my best friend’s wedding.. You know the movie with the stunning Julia Roberts and Cameron Diaz? Julia tries to take Cameron Diaz soon to be husband. It’s an amazing romantic comedy. Well so many things ring true in that movie. It talks about Julias inability to open up and be vulnerable or ‘lovey dovey’ and instantly it reminded me of myself ! It’s like I run away and reject the idea of love, romance , and sensitivity in my real life. Yet, I go home and watch romantic movies all night long. My all time favorite movie is Indecent Proposal which is about true love and man the ending gets me every time! I ball like a baby. Why am I like this? apart of me knows why but then the other part of me feels like well if I know why then why can’t I change? The truth is I want to be swept off my feet and experience true love. I want someone to sing badly to me , to dance with me in the street, to hold me, and to stare at me in the eyes without me feeling uncomfortable . Maybe a part of me feels like its not real.. Or if it is real it won’t last. It won’t turn into something long term, a part of me is also insecure . I can’t help but to wonder why any one would want me. I feel so unlovable. I wish I knew how to fix it. I wish I was the optimistic openly hopeless romantic. Instead I hide my romantic side away and just continue to be a hard ass. I want so badly to change my ways . I want to be loved.